I Am Slowly Going Crazy...
One, two, three, four, five, six,
Switch.
Second full day of MRI testing with my protocol (Hamiltonians: today wasn't conducive for visiting so I didn't call anyone, but I'm planning on starting to come up the night before scan sessions in September... Pete I may ask you to be a subject in early Sept...). We got my first set of data analyzed this week, and shit's looking good. Real good (with an n of 1.5). So today we were scheduled to have 2 more subjects run through my task, one of those subjects being me.
Jen was a trooper. She did all 2 hours of testing, with nary a complaint coming out. Her eyes were open the whole time, and she didn't fall asleep once. If I could give out gold stars for good subjects, she would get about 2486.
I, on the other hand, seem to have some serious issues. I started to have another panic attack AS SOON as I started sliding into the damned thing. I had a full on attack last year in London, which resulted in my data being wasted. Panic attacks in the magnet suck. Suck ass. It's like my heart and head are having an exchange:
[it always starts off with a wave of apprehension covering me and causing my vision to become swimmy]
Heart (beating faster): Why the hell are we in this dark little confined space?
Head (still rational): We're doing an experiment. We're measuring me.
Heart (accelerating): Well how the hell are we supposed to get out?
Head (still rational): Finish the experiment. Then we can leave.
Heart (racing): But what if we can't wait that long? What if the magnet falls on us?
Head (less rational): Well, er....
Heart (Just one big constant beat at this point): WHAT IF WE DID DID WORK WITH METAL AT ONE POINT AND A LITTLE PIECE IS WORKING OUT OF OUR EYES RIGHT NOW?
Head (not rational): Jesus, you may be right...
Heart (physically trying to escape chest): JESUS FUCK IN THE FUCK MOTHERFUCKER I'M SO FUCKING OUT OF HERE!!!!
Head (physically trying to escape skull): The little shit is right! Let's book it!!
Which culminates in me pressing the panic button, and being taken out as a white and shaken mess. I feel like a complete boob. Most people love being in the magnet, whereas I seem unable to control my mental state while in there. I HATE not being in control of myself. HATE.
And the kicker is that afterwards I feel like I've run a 5 hour marathon. I'm absolutely knackered. And, apparently going crazy.
Six, five, four, three, two, one,
Switch.
Switch.
Second full day of MRI testing with my protocol (Hamiltonians: today wasn't conducive for visiting so I didn't call anyone, but I'm planning on starting to come up the night before scan sessions in September... Pete I may ask you to be a subject in early Sept...). We got my first set of data analyzed this week, and shit's looking good. Real good (with an n of 1.5). So today we were scheduled to have 2 more subjects run through my task, one of those subjects being me.
Jen was a trooper. She did all 2 hours of testing, with nary a complaint coming out. Her eyes were open the whole time, and she didn't fall asleep once. If I could give out gold stars for good subjects, she would get about 2486.
I, on the other hand, seem to have some serious issues. I started to have another panic attack AS SOON as I started sliding into the damned thing. I had a full on attack last year in London, which resulted in my data being wasted. Panic attacks in the magnet suck. Suck ass. It's like my heart and head are having an exchange:
[it always starts off with a wave of apprehension covering me and causing my vision to become swimmy]
Heart (beating faster): Why the hell are we in this dark little confined space?
Head (still rational): We're doing an experiment. We're measuring me.
Heart (accelerating): Well how the hell are we supposed to get out?
Head (still rational): Finish the experiment. Then we can leave.
Heart (racing): But what if we can't wait that long? What if the magnet falls on us?
Head (less rational): Well, er....
Heart (Just one big constant beat at this point): WHAT IF WE DID DID WORK WITH METAL AT ONE POINT AND A LITTLE PIECE IS WORKING OUT OF OUR EYES RIGHT NOW?
Head (not rational): Jesus, you may be right...
Heart (physically trying to escape chest): JESUS FUCK IN THE FUCK MOTHERFUCKER I'M SO FUCKING OUT OF HERE!!!!
Head (physically trying to escape skull): The little shit is right! Let's book it!!
Which culminates in me pressing the panic button, and being taken out as a white and shaken mess. I feel like a complete boob. Most people love being in the magnet, whereas I seem unable to control my mental state while in there. I HATE not being in control of myself. HATE.
And the kicker is that afterwards I feel like I've run a 5 hour marathon. I'm absolutely knackered. And, apparently going crazy.
Six, five, four, three, two, one,
Switch.
posted by Anderson at 5:29 PM
6 Comments:
Hey! Maybe you should smoke weed before you go in! That would mellow you out! Oh, wait...no.
Seriously, Buddy, I feel for you. I'd do every run for you if I could. My heart couldn't give two shits where it is, and my head never listens to it, anyways.
Man, I'm liking the idea less and less. If you freak out (who I consider to be level-headed relatively sensible) I don't stand a snowballs chance.
Awww... I give you gold stars for effort.
I'll run whenever you need me and believe it or not you are in the majority. Most people do have negative reactions in the scanner. So you're not as big a boob as you think...well not for that reason anyway!!
I forgot to say that your conversation between body parts was as hillarious as I'm sure it was scary.
Lynne, Mary Jane + MRI ~= Good thing for Anderson. I think you would be the first to attest to that.
Michelle, don't listen to me. It's a wonderful experience (Note to self: don't scare away subjects)
Jen, I give you gold stars just 'cause.
Pete, as I think my anxieties are related to blood pressure, NOT smoking and drinking coffee should help, so you can still count on me as a subject (that whole getting back on the horse thing...)
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